Dear Chidinma, Please Advice, Do You Believe In Divorce?

#Life 

Hi Chidinma,

I stumbled upon your blog and decided to write to you. Please I need your help.

I will say that I am a newly wed because my husband and I will be married for 6 months next week. In my closet, I wish I never married him. He is protraying some characters I can't believe he posseses. I am slowly going into depression. 

Unfortunately I am afraid to leave him or file for a divorce. Please do you believe in divorce? If you were in my shoes, will you file for a divorce. I am desperate for answers. This is a cry for help.

Please reply. You are free to share my story. Help can come from anyone. 

Sarah A
...

Thank you dear for your mail and I am so sorry for what you are going through at the moment. You didn't mention what it is you are currently facing. 

The truth is that I am a novice in marriage and I am still learning infact I learn every blesses day. But I am happy to tell you that marriage is a school that only death or certain situations make us graduate from it.

Marriage is not easy. Marriage is not a bed of roses. The only guide you need in marriage is that of God's and maybe the advice of people who have gone way ahead of you in this school.

That said, a family friend once said to me, whatever issue he has with his wife, he prefers to always settle it with his wife than involve a third party. Because even his Pastor will or might also be having issues with his own wife. 

Meaning that no one has a perfect marriage. But as long as he is alive, he will forever continue to strive to make his wife happy because a happy wife =a happy home.

Now to your question, yes, I believe in divorce. The bible says till death do us path but there are exceptions to this rule:

1) Domestic violence: I am of the opinion that domestic violence is a deal breaker. One has to run for his (yes, some men are also victims of this) or her dare life because the next altercation might cost you your life.

There are millions of cases like this. You can pray for your partner from afar. You need to stay alive for your children and if you dont have any yet, you need to stay alive for you and for your loved ones.

"I am sorry" or "I wont do it again" or "I love you it wont happen again" or "I dont know what happened" is not an excuse. The next incident might lead to you lying lifeless on the ground.

2) Adultery:

Many might say this isnt enough reason. Many might say thats how men are. But the truth is, cheating is a choice. 

A woman can also cheat if she wants to but she chose not to. I feel that whoever cheats went with his or her eyes open.

Many forgave their partners and are living happily ever after. Many did not and is happy with someone better/ someone else e.g the singer Ciara.

It is all a matter of choice.

Why I gave this as an example is because everyone is not the same. Some women might take it as a big blow and go into depression or become suidical e.g the first lady of a particular country...cant really remember the exact country right now.

If you are this type of person, you might maybe stay away for a while to get your mind right and try to see why what happened happen...then go back if you really love your partner.

If you were the one who cheated, will your partner forgive you like he wants you to forgive him?

When cheating happens...a lot happens:
1) hate
2) resentment
3) lack of trust
4) self doubt
5) questions upon questions
6) unfaithfulness: many might see it as, if my partner doesnt think i am good enough or beautiful enough or love me enough, someone else will.

I am of the opinion that nothing in this life is easy. You have to work hard for everything. Nothing good comes easy.

Marriage isnt just about a man and a woman living together, there is so much more to it. Marriage is not all rosy. Some days are rosy while some days are not. 

You have to decide to fight for your marriage daily. You have to give it your all. You have to pray about it and also always seek rooms for improvement. Also strive to be a better you. Because you cant be seeking for improvement in someone when you are not doing same.

You are living under the same roof with a someone who is of different behaviour and character there will always be misunderstanding but that doesnt mean leave. You and your siblings/parents lived together for years although you had misunderstandings, you didnt leave because you love them dearly same with this.

I will say, no matter the decision you take, please dont leave  without a fight...dont leave without giving it your all so that whatever happens, you will be rest assured to say that you gave it your all.

...But strive to see that divorce isnt the end result. 

I hope this helped. I wish you the every best in whatever decision you decide to take.

Please if you have any advice to give to her, please do not hesitate to share.

Yours Truly,
Chidinma

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