Monday, 31 October 2016

Dear Chidinma, My Spouse Has Anger Issues And I Am Scared Of My Life


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I got a mail from a lady who wants to remain anonymous. She needs an advice from you and me. Please take your time to read the below and give her your honest opinion.

''Hello Chidinma,
I really love your blog and what you are doing. Although I hardly comment but I am reading your posts and it is inspiring me and my friends beyond what we can describe or explain.

But that is not the reason why I am sending you this mail. I remembered a lady who went anonymous to seek for an advice on your blog and I thought I should do same.

My challenge is this, My spouse has anger issues and this scares me so much. He doesn't display it towards me per say but when we go out,
the way he talks to people and what he says scares me a lot. I keep thinking to myself, how can someone in his right mind say those things.

Sometimes when get into a heated argument, he will threaten to slap or hit me or just hit the table, wall or anything that is near him. I feel this isn't right. Though I haven't fallen a victim of domestic violence yet, I am scared I might one day.

Please what do I do? I also need the honest advice of others that is why I would like for you to share this on your blog but please I would love to remain anonymous''.

...Thank you dear for your email. Honestly, one thing I know is that our instincts doesn't lie to us. According to your mail, he displays some signs of domestic violence by words and one thing about words is that they eventually become actions.

I will say, thank God he hasn't acted on them yet but I would love for you to be very careful. I would also advice you to seriously pray about them. Talk to God, tell him everything without mincing your words because only God can change a person in and out.

Domestic violence is one thing you shouldn't joke about because your life is at stake. Yes I know marriage is forever but when you become a victim of domestic violence and someone is still advising you to stay that change will occur, I believe the person doesn't love you. You can always pray for the person from a distance.

But like I said, thank God he hasn't acted on them yet. Please be careful and please be very prayerful too. I also feel you should table your feelings to him. If he really loves you and sees his words or the way he acts outside is affecting you, I believe he will change.

I hope my advice helped? But please I would also love for others to advice her on this. Please what is your opinion on this?

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A Blog Reader Needs Your Advice On Her Relationship With Her Ghanaian Boyfriend

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  1. whenever one is scared in a relationship the love starts dying, and when love dies it's game over! i will love if you can come as anonymous and make this an interactive session, where few question can be asked and you can answer as anonymous, Like:
    How long did u date him b4 marriage?
    How long are u guys married now?
    Did u know a any history of violence in his past relationships?
    What kind of friends does he keep?
    Does he indulge in excess alcohol or illicit drugs like marijuana?

    Well i will advice u first of all complain to God almighty the solution provider, then you make out a good time to talk to him(be careful what you say too) communication they say is the key to any positive relationship, thirdly check yourself and cut out any mistakes from your own end. Insha Allah, God will repair all cracks in your marriage.
    Feel free to interact as anonymous, Problem share they say is problem half solved

    1. Thank you for your advice.
      1) We dated for a year before marriage and no I didn't see a single sign.

      2) we have been married for 2 years

      3) not that I know of.

      4) normal relationship with his friends. They are all career men or business men with their own families. They do hang out once in a while.

      5) no. He rarely drinks. Say twice in a month or even once. He never smokes. I haven't seen him smoke before.

  2. Ahhh my dear a wise person once said "if they can insult you when youve not tied the nut then they can beat you after tiring the nut" meaning now that he is still spouse my dear carry your slippers and run!....forget love o...God is showing you signs already please o for him saying he will beat you...he can o

  3. Sorry o. ..she said spouse not boyfriend ...yes I feel since your already married just take it to God because there's nothing you can do...he can end up beating you... if you don't act fast..I feel you should explain calmly to him...because a times it may be that he isn't conscious of his attitude ...just see a therapist sha

  4. Dear,there is Notting prayer can not do.hand him over to God,and see him change for the better.


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