Friday, 23 January 2015

How To Handle A Breakup (Updated)


There are thousands of stories of people committing suicide or attempting suicide or have already committed suicide or are drinking concoctions and attempting other terrible things because their partner called it off. 
So today, I am writing on how to handle a breakup.  

When you are in a relationship with someone you love (I said someone you love cos not everyone is in a relationship for love) or with someone who means almost everything to you, it is very painful to see that person walk out of your life without looking back. It is very painful to realize that you don't mean anything to that person again. It is very painful to realize that they don't want to have anything to do with you again.

The steps that will be listed and explained below are steps I believe might be of help in handling a breakup.
In no particular order, below are the steps on how to handle a breakup

1)  When it first happens, you will/might feel like crying. I say, allow yourself cry. 
You are but human. Crying helps ease the pain, it helps do things to your mind & body that you really can't explain. Cry if you feel like crying. Don’t hold back your tears.

2)  Tell God you need Him to see you through during this stage of your life.
Always remember to keep talking to God. Keep asking God for His guidance, His strength, His help and His will.

 3) Delete everything that reminds you of the person.
Things like the person's phone number (s), BlackBerry pins, text messages, emails, pictures amongst others.
Some might say it is a childish thing to do.

Let me explain- You are extremely vulnerable during this stage of your life. You might be attempted to hear from them and their response might not be what you expected to hear/wanted to hear/feel like hearing. You might end up going hard on yourself and doing very harmful things to yourself.

BlackBerry Pins- Their PM (Personal Message) and DP (Display Picture) updates might show you that they have moved on. That he/she is happy without you, which is or can be very painful.

Text messages- you start reading the text messages you sent to each other. Text messages of love, arguments etc all over again. This of course will bring back memories, tears, heart ache/aches, pains amongst others.

Emails- going through mails you sent to each other only brings back memories and heart aches.

Pictures- Pictures taken together during your happy moments and good days. They all will bring back memories, making it very difficult to move on. 

Yes, being friends after a breakup is very possible however, it shouldn't be immediately after breaking up. You need time to heal. You need to give time, time.

Deleting everything that reminds you of the person is very necessary. It helps in the healing process. It helps not to be tempted to see things that might make matters worse. Everything you guys shared are stored up in your head as memories. 
Although you have deleted their contacts, their pictures, their messages/mails e.t.c. you cannot delete the memories you shared from your head & mind. But remember memories do fade. You might have the person's phone number off-hand but as time goes on, you tend to gradually start forgetting his/her phone number or you tend to mix them up. Just give time, time, give yourself the privilege to heal. 

A footballer, who has sustained a leg injury, will stay off the field for a while. Why? Doesn't he love playing football? Of course he does but he needs his leg to heal before he can return to the field again. He needs time to get his leg healed. It might take him days, weeks, months, a year/years to heal but when he eventually gets back to the field, he is stronger, healthier & more willing to play again than ever. 
Why is that? Because he gave time, time. He allowed himself to heal. 

That is why it is of great importance to give yourself the privilege & opportunity to heal. Don't think going into a relationship immediately after a breakup will help because it won't. You are still aching inside. You still have hidden tears, wounds from your past relationship, carrying it into your next relationship will only inflict pain and frustration on your new partner which is unfair. Your new partner cannot make you happy no matter how much he/she tries to because you haven't being healed of the wounds from your previous relationship.

4) Admit you have a challenge or admit you need help.
You might say, but I am not sick, I just broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend that's all. 
You do have a challenge in the sense that, at that moment, you are emotionally & psychologically troubled. You might not be thinking right at that moment. 

So how to get help?
Talk to someone. You don't necessary need to talk to an expert to help you out in this process. Just talk to someone, it could be a friend, a sibling, a colleague, your parents... someone. You need to get certain things off your chest. And when you do, you will notice that the more you talk, the more the pain reduces. The more you talk, the more you tend to understand why the breakup happened in the first place. The more you talk, the more you see reasons why that relationship should have ended earlier than it did.

5) Try avoiding love songs especially slow songs. Try avoiding love movies. 
Whenever you feel like watching a movie, watch a comedy movie or an action movie. 
I believe this is self explanatory.

6) Engage yourself.
Try taking part in something. Stroll around, leave your room, try getting involved in something. Go out. Visit friends, just try to keep yourself busy and try as much as possible to keep your mind busy (very important).   

7)  In all you do, do not ever say ''love is over for me'' ''Dating is over for me'' ''no one will ever love me'' ''all guys/ladies are the same''
This is because whatever we say are like magic, they do come to pass. Ever heard of, from your mouth to the ears of the Father? Our tongue carries life and death, choose life. So, try as much as possible to refrain yourself from saying those words and be completely hopeful.  

8) Try and use this time to discover yourself. Use this time to discover your strength and weaknesses. Use this time to build and develop yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, socially etc. The greatest gift you can ever give yourself is self-development.
Fall in love with yourself (more on that here>>> ). 

9)   After you feel that you've given yourself enough time to heal, try putting yourself out there again i.e. open your heart to love again.

In all these processes/steps, never fail to include God. You did be amazed how brand new you will feel both inside & outside.

When you finally find love again, please and please do remember that ''there are one million and one relationship advice and guides out there. BUT God's guidance supersedes them all''. 

Everyone will want to tell you what you should do and not do to keep him/her. But always remember, the greatest advice and guide on how to keep your man or woman is gotten on your knees praying.  

I hope in one way or the other this will help you handle your breakup. Please remember, no one is worth committing suicide for. Cos suicide is a straight ticket to hell without you negotiating. 
No one is worth you spending eternity in hell. Cos the pain you tried to escape from, will be 10,000 times more in hell. 

Just give time, time. Give God time to heal your wounded heart. It might take a while but you will be and feel brand new again. Do not do terrible things to yourself cos of a breakup. Always know that you are beautiful/handsome, worthy and special. The right person will soon come for you till then keep living, keep smiling, keep being thankful above all, be happy.

Be Inspired. 

I hope you were inspired by this post? Please kindly share with others by clicking on any of the social media share buttons by the left side of this post to inspire them too.

P.S- You might also be interested in:
Smile Beautiful! Smile Handsome! 
What To Do Before, During And After A First Date- Part A (Ladies)
What To Do Before, During And After A First Date- Part B (Men)

Yours Truly,

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